exam diaries chapter four: not sure what's going on
hello hello. it has been a while. this is going to be in paragraphs and not bullets as usual. just felt right i guess.
i think i felt that surge of motivation from last time and now it's just down again. i was busy for a few days last week and this week too. so that killed momentum. and then i've been just living through the days and doing the bare minimum.
in fact, let's start with last week. i made an elaborate plan, mixing both papers and coursework together. the issue? it was too detailed and i dumped too much on myself. wednesday went well! i was just tired after a long long day of studying. but then thursday went really bad and i had just given up by friday evening. saturday and sunday both were spent either doing a little bit of studies or just dwelling on the fact that i wasn't studying.
this week i met some old-ish friends, that ate up tuesday. went to a different library on monday and did study- but just finishing off last week's work (so it doesn't really count?). wednesday i did a class but little else. and now today, thursday. i did waste time. but i am hoping i can get back up and keep moving.
for this week i've just done a list of things i need to complete. i'm not going to bother putting in a day-by-day plan since i know that's just going to go downhill. i pray this week is better, or what's left of it at least. i was honestly in tears last week but it's just due to my own stupidity so whatever.
i now get this dull sense of dread when thinking about the exams. i think i easily blew off two weeks in the past month or so doing very little. i've got two weeks left now, or two weeks and a half. 'study influencers' are the bane of my existence. they talk about their grades and how much they've done and i feel certain to fail. i think this is just me realising how much time i've wasted in the past TWO YEARS. i could easily have finished coursework etc and started revision at least 3 months before exams, at the very least. and now i'm here- 'revised' for two months at most and i still have assignments left to do!
also i'm trying not to think about it too much but life after exams isn't looking too great. it's something i try to forget so i'll leave it at that.
that's it i guess. thank you for reading my sob story, i do hope it was a nice refresher from your life- i'm sure you're dealing with a lot more than i am. but thanks all the same!
(ps: i always tell myself i'm just going to write a little and then i end up uploading my brain online. oh well)
previous 'exam diaries' chapters:
chapter one
chapter two
chapter three